TLC What About Your Friends ~ Official Video

#JMUFriendships

With so much going on I forgot to blog *bad Jazzy* but I’m back now! I graduated *Insert Praise Dance Here* and now I am just looking forward to all the great things God has in store for me. Although I have only been away from college life for less than a month I have realized so much. The2 main things I have been struggling with have been trust and relationships. The 2 should go hand in hand right? But that is not the case… many of my “friends” that I had while at JMU, I have not heard from since graduation. Whereas when we were in school we texted daily or conversed or tried to arrange moments of QT, now it’s as though those relationships never existed. Some relationships that I had throughout most of my time at JMU have come to light and they weren’t hat they seemed…can we say disappointment. They are what I call my #JMUFriendships. It has been a sad realization because some of those relationships I actually cared about and saw it as being much more , some I looked at as my big brother and sisters but they were fake or lied or both. So I guess the old sayings remain true “out of sight out of mind” and “many people where multiple faces”. But in the case of my real friends even when they are out of sight they are forever in my heart and even when they switch a mask they still remain loyal. To my pleasant surprise some people who while at JMU we didn’t speak as often or may have had our share of disagreements have really blossomed into great friends. In the case of my friendships each relationship is unique. Some I speak to everyday and if we go a day without speaking it feels like something is wrong, others we speak once a month but we always pick right back up where we left off. Some friends I spend time with all the time while others seeing them every now and then is enough for me. All different relationships with all different people but the common thread that ties it all together is that they are real. Whether they have been holding me down since high school or after we become sisters they are always right there. And so to you real friends who have always been honest with me and are quick to go to bat for me without any ounce of hesitation I THANK YOU! The JMU friendships were fun while they lasted but I look forward to all the great things me and my true friends will accomplish and go through over the years. So when the question poses “What About Yo’ Friends? Ask yourself what about my friends…are they here for simply a moment or are they here to last a lifetime. Are they even worthy of being given the title of friend or are they just an associate who shows you who they want you to see, a hidden enemy. My circle may be small and filled with more testosterone than estrogen (lol) but I’m happy with that. I know I can list my friends off the top of my head…it used to be I could name them using only 2 hands but thanks to Delta and Urban Promise that number has increased. Still small in comparison to many but the perfect fit for me (smile)

~A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother/sister~Proverbs 18:24

Taylor Swift - Today Was A Fairytale + Lyrics

My Fairytale Is My Own

So it’s been a while since I have written. My life had been consumed with celebrating my 1^st Deltaversary (OOO-OOP), grinding out this school work, fashion show and oh did I mention becoming the very first person in my family to graduate from college! (smile) Everyone who knows me (the real me) knows I am a sucker for love, so of course my phone was blowing up about the Royal Wedding lol. Then I watched Khole Kardashin’s weeding before I went to bed so of course I had weddings and love on the brain. But I realized as much as I want love from a relationship, I’m not exactly ready for love at this moment. The past few months have introduced so many great men to my life and whereas before I would have automatically started to plan our wedding and pick out our children’s names, I’ve just been chill. And with that I’ve finally learned my lesson through my heartbreak. …lesson learned: I’m just not ready. I know how to love and how to make and keep a man happy. I can cook, keep it clean, lady in the streets….but I’m still not in a committed relationship. Some people tell me I have a fairytale view on what love is but I believe that when it’s right and it’s real it’s meant to be a fairytale. Loving someone even more when they are getting on your nerves, allowing them to see you at your worst and being made to feel confident enough that you are the only one for them..not just through words but actions as well. That’s what I’m looking for and I believe it’s what God wants for me as his daughter. So I had to have a broken heart because I was getting in too deep with the wrong the person and I’m single even though all my close friends are moving forward because God is still working on me. They are in the season to take steps with someone while I am in my season to make my own footprints. So that if I divert it’s ok because I am going on my own journey and I won’t have to worry about taking someone else off of their path. Patience is a virtue I have not yet found but am working on lol. And when the time is right I will have that perfect love from the perfect man in the perfect way…my very own fairytale. But now I will just wait and enjoy the love around me.

Anthony Hamilton - Float

The Unofficial Truth

Rather than writing a "blog" this week I decided to share another secret love of mine which is poetry! Hope you all enjoy

The Unofficial Truth

Unofficial boo

A dream too sweet to be awaken from

You see me so silent to the eye

But beyond the silence my mind is working overtime

Trying to download the graphics, phrases, tunes and colors of my imagination

I see you as my man

A snapshot of your success

A portrait of our wedding day

Memories of a honeymoon that has yet to happen

And an album of our family

Across the skies are written every moment of love and each struggle

Dates and times of our special days

Pounds and ounces of our children

1^st time, 1^st mine, I am yours

The only one to wear the title of Mrs…first and last

Snapping backing to reality you haven’t even asked me to be your woman…

Unofficial boo

Unofficial you

You had me feeling things that others that had the title of being my man hadn’t even made me feel

Beautiful…excited…safe…supported…able to be me and only me

Wrapping my arms around me pretending they are yours so that I can sleep better at night And your kisses…so good I was sucking my lips until they hurt just so the taste of yours would last a little longer

A muse and source of positivity

All of my poetry is now about you

Your patience, support, times that we prayed together and the occasional sparkle in your eye when you see me never go unnoticed

Impregnated by your spirit, passion, kindness and the essence of you

I carry you within m

Every part of me wants to succumb to your love, your smile, your thoughts and protection

Erotic fantasies at night

We create a passion sandwich

My thighs are the rye

You bring the meat and whatever condiments you like

And I’ll supply whatever juice you desire on the side

Unofficial boo

Unofficial you

Unofficial me

Intimacy….

Into-me-you- see

Brown Suga like

When did you fall in love with hip-hop

I feel in love with soul…Neo-soul

Written not to sell records but to tell a story

Never caring if their definition/declaration of love hits the airways

Just happy to have the thoughts translated to feelings, feeling to words scribed on paper with pen then laced with instrumental sounds and harmonies

No mainstream R&B love here

Filled with its ghostwriters, no references to God or His Word and no passion behind the words because you are only imagining the feelings you are singing about…

I’ve felt the Usher “You Make Me Wanna”, Ginuwine “Stingy” and 112 “Cupid” love

But was always jealous because when I heard Musiq’s “Someone”, John Legend’s “So High” and India’s “He Heals Me”

I wanted to relate because they were all that love was to me

Although for now only parts of the song fit

And even if we never get through the entire track…thank you for the experience

Because now I can nod to India as she says

“I have no idea how long he will be here, a season or a lifetime, forever or a year

But for the first time in my life I’m not worried about the future

Because we have such a wonderful time when we’re together

However things turn out it’s alright because he’s already changed my life

He heals me, he knows the real me

And he respects me, he never hurts me

He heals me”…you heal me

Unofficial boo

Unofficial you

Unofficial me

Unofficial us

Never quite sure which direction we are heading

Because at times when I want you to say the most you grow silent

And although the excitement is always there for me

I only hear it sometimes in your voice

But I still cherish every moment

Just happy to have moments with you

Ready for us to love

A love so great that the stars can’t even tell the story

Webster has no definition for

Nor could any palm’s line make sense of

That’s the type of love I am willing to give and am ready to receive

Unofficial boo

Unofficial you

Unofficial me

Unofficial us

I am unofficially falling…

Which makes me scared

Because although the nicknames and titles are unofficial

The feelings are real

The hopes consume my thoughts

The ideas of you and I feel so true and right in my heart

As the words escaped my mouth in ecstasy that I wanted you

It wasn’t just for that moment

Or because of how my body was reacting to yours

You responded will you wait for me

And instead of simply saying yes…I promised

Because you never even had to ask

Since our first date I knew with you was where I wanted to be

Unofficial boo

Unofficial you

Unofficial me

Unofficial us

I am unofficially falling in unofficial love

Usher - Be

I Am Who I Am

Do you ever get tired of people saying “I mean it is what it is” or blame their wrong doings on the fact that “that’s just me”. Because I do!!!! BUT sadly I have also used these very lines (smh). I’m learning that there are so many factors that play a role in you becoming who you are and who you are meant to be. We blame so much on who we ARE now and focus on that, rather than focusing on who we will BE and more importantly who we are MEANT to be. Some people say with age and time comes wisdom and maturity. I say with age and time comes growth because growth can go in both directions. There have been times in my life where I have matured beyond belief but a few months down the road or maybe even years later I have backtracked. Growth is a constant evolution! When people leave your life it makes room for others to enter, when you end one chapter you begin a new one, when you mature you still have your moments of immaturity. It’s like a plant…before the seed is even planted the foundation is laid. There has to be something there before you before you can even exist. For the most part our foundation comes from our family because we are born to our parents. Some foundations are rocky and there’s no soil (but remember the story of the rose who grew from concrete) while others have the best support and the highest grade of soil possible. Then we (the seed) are planted. We don’t ask to be here but we’re just dropped in this land and expected to produce something. Then things are added to life to help us grow…water, sunlight, maintenance, etc. These things are given in the forms of relationships of all kinds, learning, experiences, wins and failures. And as we bud through each stage of life our journey is different. For some of us our growth has been stunted, some of us grew too quickly and some of us are growing at just the right pace. Then an excitement builds as the flower begins to bloom. Making it through something that could have easily broken you produces a petal, learning to forgive and love produces petals, and we grow and grow until we are in full bloom. And the beauty of it is that our processes are unique and although we may be a daisy beside a rose or even a lily beside another lily no two lilies are the same. And as our external beauty fades we leave seeds to produce more flowers…GROWTH. And it is that growing that develops us into who we were, who we are now and who we will become. So next you are tempted to say “that’s just me” remember that in life “His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.” (2 Peter 1:3) and in love it is more important to BE the right person than to be with the right person. Who you were isn’t who you are and who you are is just a preview of who you can become.

Floetry "Sometimes U Make Me Smile"

Thorns of Love

I was inspired by my long time friend Kim to create a blog.I had been debating about this forever and finally decided to try it. After spending hours on the phone with my friends,writing and praying I realized that life is an endless journey. Something very simple but today it really hit me. I'm graduating college in 2 months (praise break) and job searching is no joke. As I look around me I began to feel like life had in a sense passed me by, like I wasn't riding this journey of life just scooting as it took me on twists and turns. My friends were becoming parents and homeowners, they were planning weddings or already married and they were stable in what they were doing in life while I was just beginning....while taking a break from my job hunt Floetry's "Sometimes You Make Me Smile" came on and the memories it brought back were bittersweet. That particular street in my life's journey was now a sad one but this had become my favorite song for the very same reason that I now teared up every time I heard it. The song is everything music is meant to be...it's passionate, romantic, smooth, sensual and has depth. Poetry infused with melodic harmonies. It's the perfect song to describe my last encounter with love...in the beginning she is in search of love without even realizing it at first. Questioning where is this one who can bring so much joy, sunshine,etc and then upon a chance meeting realizes that the answers to all her questions were wrapped up in one person, the person becoming her reasoning for smiling. After beginning to know this person she stops questioning because everything feels right and as the intimacy and tempo picks up I realized that in this love's tale I began to fall heavy and fast, ignoring things I heard and just trusting that this person (my reason for smiling) was everything I had prayed for in a man. The ending was so suttle as the artist admits she cries from missing her light. All the love she had is now gone and without any notice. While friends try to provide comfort and distractions when I was alone all I thought about was the feeling of emptiness and betrayal....in the silence I too cried and with each tear a memory came to my mind. First kiss, first meeting, date nights, poetry and me just being so raw and honest only to be left without any answers. But rather than deleting this song that I fell in love with from my play list I turned it up even louder and this time as the memories replayed not a teardrop fell and some memories actually made me smile. Looking back I had become stronger through this and at the end of the day I am happy with what I did in the situation. And I was grateful because for that amount of time I had found someone to make me smile for no reason at all, for just thinking about him or saying his name and that was something I hadn't experienced in a long time. And with that as the song ended rather than becoming sad I grew hopeful and knew that one day someone else would be making smile for the same reasons but this time I would be their reason for smiling as well. Keeping in the mind the famous love quote " Always remember when it comes to love, if you want to have the beautiful rose, you need to accept the thorns around it". Was he my rose...no did I get pricked...HELL YEAH but I still love roses! That experience didn't break me because that man didn't make me into the woman I have become and my love (like my real love) will be there just for me and through getting pricked and sampling someone else's "rose" I now have a greater appreciation for what love truly is and I look forward to receiving my rose...thorns and all *Smile*