5 Letters But A Hard Thing

Lets talk about trust. A simple 5 letter word that has so much meaning. I personally live the FLL lifestyle (Faith, Love and Loyalty).  I have faith that everything will work out as it should because of my faith in God. The good bad and ugly it all works together. I'm a lover...those who know me know that I love HARD!  When you're in my circle you're in, I'm the type of person who definitely goes harder for my loved ones than I do for myself. Even when I'm mad at people they know my love is unconditional. Loyalty is the thing I hold to the highest degree. If I love you and consider you a friend I expect nothing less than loyalty. Loyalty meaning that no we may not always agree but you have my back and best interest and I have yours. You may not feel my exact pain but you're understanding of it. The common denominator in all of these things is trust. I trust God which deepens my faith, I love others because I have learned to trust them and I am loyal because  I trust them to have my best interest. Some people are the type to trust people with everything, while others trust certain people with everything. I however have no one particular person that I trust with everything. I trust my family for certain things, my friends for others. I go to my godmother for some things and my friends for other things. I trust them with different aspects of my life. When it comes to people the only thing I feel you can trust them for is to do exactly what they are going to do. You can trust that a fake person will lie to you face, you can trust that your best friend will tell you the truth even when it hurts.  I am trying to learn to not be so guarded and learn to be more forgiving of others. I have been hurt but we all have. I realized today that I don't want to shut out great people because of others mistakes in the past. I don't want to miss out on opportunities and the things God has in store for me because of this wall I have built up due to a lack of trust. I'm a work in progress. I have enough faith to fully give God all my trust. I trust him to break down this barrier I have so that I can move forward. God loves me knowing all of my secrets,knowing all my flaws and knowing all the progress I still have to make.  I use writing as my therapy and today I wrote a poem about my lack of trust (which will follow this post). But I am loving the ride that God is taking me on, breaking me down, building me back up and I'm even more thankful for those who have stuck with me along the way. 

Welcome Back

It's been so long since I've written anything, that's insane! Nearly two years to the date of when I wrote my first post ever. So I guess it's appropriate to have this first post be a second welcome, welcome. If you read my previous posts you will see the general outline of my blog. It's just a place where I share my random long thoughts on things and occasionally share my poetry. This will not be a blog full of photos or random postings, that's what Instagram (follow me at Jnh4) and tumbler are for. When I watched Beyonce's amazing documentary, Life Is But A Dream, she made a very profound statement. Saying that when artist like the soulful Nina Simone would put out music you would just focus on the song and the lyric not so much on her personal life. She displayed her art and talent and while I'm sure she had other things in her life going on when you listened to her song or read her lyrics she lured you in with her voice, you could relate to her without ever meeting her because her emotion connected with you, her words were your feelings applied to your situations without her ever knowing it. She was in a sense your homegirl without knowing you and her songs were your free space. Kind of like how Beyonce, Mary J. And India Arie are to us now. This blog is my free space to share my thoughts through writing and song, two things I absolutely love. I will try my best to post weekly on whatever I feel and display the song that best fits the post. I'm a neo soul junkie so most songs will come from that genre. My life has changed so much since my last post. I now have a grown up job, have fallen in love, have my own place, gained and lost "friends"  and just have grown and experienced more of what life truly is. So I welcome you all into my free space and look forward to sharing my thoughts with you all....

TLC What About Your Friends ~ Official Video

#JMUFriendships

With so much going on I forgot to blog *bad Jazzy* but I’m back now! I graduated *Insert Praise Dance Here* and now I am just looking forward to all the great things God has in store for me. Although I have only been away from college life for less than a month I have realized so much. The2 main things I have been struggling with have been trust and relationships. The 2 should go hand in hand right? But that is not the case… many of my “friends” that I had while at JMU, I have not heard from since graduation. Whereas when we were in school we texted daily or conversed or tried to arrange moments of QT, now it’s as though those relationships never existed. Some relationships that I had throughout most of my time at JMU have come to light and they weren’t hat they seemed…can we say disappointment. They are what I call my #JMUFriendships. It has been a sad realization because some of those relationships I actually cared about and saw it as being much more , some I looked at as my big brother and sisters but they were fake or lied or both. So I guess the old sayings remain true “out of sight out of mind” and “many people where multiple faces”. But in the case of my real friends even when they are out of sight they are forever in my heart and even when they switch a mask they still remain loyal. To my pleasant surprise some people who while at JMU we didn’t speak as often or may have had our share of disagreements have really blossomed into great friends. In the case of my friendships each relationship is unique. Some I speak to everyday and if we go a day without speaking it feels like something is wrong, others we speak once a month but we always pick right back up where we left off. Some friends I spend time with all the time while others seeing them every now and then is enough for me. All different relationships with all different people but the common thread that ties it all together is that they are real. Whether they have been holding me down since high school or after we become sisters they are always right there. And so to you real friends who have always been honest with me and are quick to go to bat for me without any ounce of hesitation I THANK YOU! The JMU friendships were fun while they lasted but I look forward to all the great things me and my true friends will accomplish and go through over the years. So when the question poses “What About Yo’ Friends? Ask yourself what about my friends…are they here for simply a moment or are they here to last a lifetime. Are they even worthy of being given the title of friend or are they just an associate who shows you who they want you to see, a hidden enemy. My circle may be small and filled with more testosterone than estrogen (lol) but I’m happy with that. I know I can list my friends off the top of my head…it used to be I could name them using only 2 hands but thanks to Delta and Urban Promise that number has increased. Still small in comparison to many but the perfect fit for me (smile)

~A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother/sister~Proverbs 18:24

Taylor Swift - Today Was A Fairytale + Lyrics